He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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