the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
