Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
