I heard we made out
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
there's paper in my vomit.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
