Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
