today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
