do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
