tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
