My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the liver wants what the liver wants
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
