ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
