so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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