I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
