I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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