I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
