Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
this is an emotional support booty call
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
