your room smells of hookers.
And success
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
