gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
