if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
