I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I AM VODKA MAN
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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