Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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