Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
