He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
