I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Boobs speak an international language.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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