I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm like, not good at living.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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