We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
