Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
