But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
