last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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