so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
