i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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