I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
