I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
