If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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