when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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