Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
