Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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