The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I am morally bankrupt
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
