We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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