I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
