the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm both gender and math confused
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
