I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
