Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
