Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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