well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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