he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
