He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
