laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
