he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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