and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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