his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
