Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
